Remembering Michael
You might wonder why I feel the need to write thus about Michael Jackson, or even that I would title this blog post ‘Remembering Michael’ when I have not even met him. I feel moved to do so because of the sense of personal loss I feel at his death. Not a deep sense of loss leading to mourning, but a definite sense of loss, a void, that his death seems to leave behind.
Michael burst into our lives in the early eighties when we were a newly married young couple in our twenties living in Bombay. I hadn’t really listened to the Jackson Five but for some occasional exposure, but certainly knew he was the most personable and talented of the lot. That didn’t make any difference though, for I didn’t really take to their brand of music, and didn’t have any of it. It was his first solo album of ’82 that brought him into our lives.
Abha, then an air hostess with Air India, had gone on a flight to Europe- it was either Frankfurt or Rome, don’t remember which city. While watching TV in her hotel room, she had switched channels to a music channel and watched Michael perform the songs from the album. His enthusiasm and unaffected joy at performing was so infectious that she went out and bought ‘Off the wall’, the solo album that really launched his career.
She came home and enthused about this black singer from the US who was, in her words, so cute. That was, of course, enough to put me on my guard, but I did play the cassette and listened to him! Starting with ‘Don’t stop till you’ve had enough!’ his songs were energetic and, on the whole, quite captivating. At this stage, the music was a mix of pop and ballads. Very soon, Michael Jackson was very much a part of our lives with his music blasting from our system in the drawing room.
The launch of Thriller though was, I think, the defining point of his career. The songs were good, but it was the music videos that really captured everyone’s imagination. He still managed a mix of fast paced, pounding numbers along with lyrical ballads such as ‘The girl is mine’ with Paul McCartney and ‘PYT’. Not that we had MTV in India in those days, but we could see his music videos by renting video tapes from the video lending library! No longer did you listen to Michael, you experienced him, his dancing, singing, clothes and the funky sets created for the songs.
The first video I remember most vividly is ‘Billie Jean’ with everything he touched lighting up as he moved along. There were articles about this music video, that it had a cost a million dollars, that it set new standards for effects and so on that fueled the wave of excitement across the world. Soon, watching a Michael Jackson music video became a much anticipated event for the sheer entertainment you know you were in for.
And he didn’t disappoint with the launch of his next album ‘Bad’. By now the wholesome, young black singer we knew had morphed into an exciting, slick, supernova of a music sensation who helped drive demand for, and the success of MTV, with his music videos. The Bad collection too had a mix of songs that appealed across a broad spectrum. We longed for a music channel, but made do with the videos from the lending library.
The “Dangerous’ album followed with hits like ‘Black or white’, ‘Dangerous’ and ‘Heal the world’ which took the world by storm. Not only were the songs powerful, but the videos were scintillating. Many of us became consciously cognizant of the wonders of ‘morphing’ after seeing the ‘Black or white’ video. We’d seen it in films like ‘Terminator two’ by then, but this music video created a sensation and series of articles on how it was done. All of which captured our collective imagination.
By then he had set the standard so high, that expectations of his albums was soaring. By now he must have had enormous pressure to deliver, as well as the pressure of a life in a fish bowl. All of which seemed to take a toll. His troubled, abused childhood couldn’t have helped, for he wanted to be accepted, loved and appreciated for who he was. Instead, his isolation was complete with his image as a mega star between him and the world. We watched him with concern and affection, and not a little dismay as he lurched from one controversy to another.
There were endless articles about his surgeries that transformed him over time from a wholesome young man with a love of life and performing, to a white faced, bizarre mannequin whom people looked upon with pity and wonder. This also furthered his isolation from the real world and real people, making the fulfillment of his need to be accepted for himself even more remote. It was heartwarming to see his friends from Hollywood stand by him through all this, for they knew him as a vulnerable young man who needed a friend more than anything else. The black community sensed it too, with their cry of ‘Leave him alone’, and their unconditional acceptance of him no matter what he did.
And so the launch of his next album, ‘HIStory’ in 1995, a collection of his hits was a bit of an anti-climax but for ‘Earth song’ and ‘They don’t care about us’ which both had captivating videos as well. But the furor around his eccentric ways, the Neverland ranch, the scandals, marriages and so on robbed this album of much of the public’s attention. Both ‘Earth song’ and ‘They don’t care about us’ went on to become some of our favorites, but Michael no longer seemed that electric singer and performer that we had grown to love. There was too much negative content about him out there that rubbed off on him an affected the way we looked at him. Significantly, we didn’t buy this album nor did we feel like doing so.
By the time ‘Blood on the dance floor’ had its low key launch in 1997, Michael was being overshadowed in our psyche by a whole crop of exciting new talent, the advent of the Internet and a wave of films using new technologies that captured our imagination. Two of the songs went on to be noteworthy from this album, the title track and ‘Ghosts’, but the rest of the songs didn’t make the kind of impact his songs used to. The ‘Blood on the dance floor’ video was vintage Michael, but again, we had seen too much to be excited the way we used to be. I’m afraid, by then, the scandals, his leaving the US and moving to Dubai and so on took their toll, and he dropped from our radar.
The launch of ‘Invincible’ was a whimper which we didn’t notice. We didn’t buy the album, nor did we hear about the songs or see any of the music videos. By then Michael was no longer a part of our lives. He had become a recluse, a person reviled for his physical appearance, for bizarre behavior and tastes and for the various scandals and court cases. I felt sorry for him, but he was no longer in the public eye. I felt pretty sure that there were many people taking advantage of his loneliness and vulnerability, either as litigants or as advisors, but really had no idea of what he was doing or where he was. All we knew was he has running out of money, and had more problems than he could handle.
Then the tsunami of news around his death broke and swamped all of us. The vivid memories of the young man who so inspired those many years ago flashed through my mind. His songs kept playing in my head. I spent yesterday evening watching many of his music videos on You Tube and reliving those years when the magic of Michael Jackson had the world in its thrall. What drew me to him so powerfully that I still feel like I knew him in a way? Maybe it was the wholesome goodness of his early years.
Then again, maybe it was because we were around the same age. It was definitely also to do with his fitness and dancing, for I work out regularly and just love to dance. It was also the music, the variety, styles and heart thumping energy in them. It is for the both the latter reasons that I identify very strongly with Madonna as well. But Michael was always special, something else. Perhaps it was his loneliness that on sensed, the need to be accepted for he was. Or perhaps its because he was still very much a boy with big dreams although chronologically a much older man. Somehow when you think of Michael even today, you remember him more as a young boy or youth. Not as a middle aged man!
Whatever it was, he has left behind a sense of loss, for the world will never be the same again. Sort of like Princess Diana’s passing. The end of an era, at least in singer or performer terms.
Good by Michael, and may God bless you. Rest in peace where ever you are.
